A magic being in a spiritual fusioned field

This is part of my story! - fracments of my personal myths about how I perceive my spiritual journey.
It speaks from different levels in me, from different times.
It changes as I move with the day and the wording.
Whether anyone else can find a mirror, an inspiration here, I don't know.
I write to recall, to try to grasp the not graspable (the writing does clear my mind in the process), to empower my sense of meaning of being here in body and to remember...
This is written in fragments from early 2022 till approx. mid 2023 - and now early 24 I do a little rewrite and some additions (- thus repetitions/mess will occur.)
A profund change is unfolding in my temperament, so much of this is not who I am/where I'm at/what I do today. 
For that you may wish to take a step to connect - and you will be welcomed!

I was born in an other lifetime, into another era.
where there were angles, a loving God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit on my enhereted spiritual map.
When real trouble hit and darkness paralyzed me I turned to Jesus, as brought to me by my mother and our Christian tradition. 
 I did have strong spiritual experiences connected to Christ, which have made it possible for me to connect with these frequencies when in crisis.
But the only thing that really caught my interest in the tradition was the Pentacost (Whitson) not celebrated much in our society.
In the Pentecost the Holy Spirit made people speak in tongues and people (maybe even species) from all over the world understood each other!. WOW - isn't that how I'd like to see the world!
For me The Holy Spirit stands as a wholeness without personal label, and still is part of my active spirituality as a sensed energyfield.

Apart from that I actually didn't really understand religion or any traditions for that matter.
- I do believe in many ascended masters, the Great Spirit and carry great respect for other indigenous sources, but at that time I didn't feel or sense it. 
But i any case I trusted the essence of every spiritual tradition to be of the same Source.
And somehow I still do..

I've met aspects from different traditions that talked directly to me and have a sense today that everything is here, as I choose to fokus on or as I am given a spiritual experience.

I've connected strongly with the Black Madonna of Montserrat - feeling her warm embrace of any human.

In spirit I've met my connection with the Chief of native indian spirituality
and the spirit of the Clown as a shaman and center figure in native indian communities.

The aborigines of Australia stands out for me feeling a profound bond.
I'm in natural deep respect and awe when I sence the ones that still carry the ingeginous spirituality.
Only later I noticed that both aborigines and native americans talk about coming from the Stars. Talk about the Pleiadeans.

Feels just great and real to me when things connect - from different narratives - over time - over land - around the planet.

I had a strong sense there was something that I didn't find in those fields as they were presented to me and I perceived it then
- something that was essentially connected with my sense of being.
Back then I called it Magic - in and around me.
I sensed the subtle worlds around in nature, in everything
- I was manifesting things/situations, transmuting energies through body/hands, cooperating with the weather was some of the ways.
In that space I actually didn't care much about naming anything, or mirroring.
Here I had a mission on Earth.
I just knew it!
I knew my connection to a clear high source
and I knew (as a sensation) who I was in the mission.

At the same time I always doubted if or how I was allowed to use this magic.
I was stepping back from manipulation (even good intentional) – at the same time I longed so much to just be set free to use this powerful tool.

The ability to experience the world and myself as magic has made me put myself much aside in my own world. And forever longing, as I still do, to share this adventure with others - and finally the whole planet.
I guess it was/is a longing to live in a new consciousness
AND play my part fully - on all levels!

I kind of saddens when I think of this.
It's like a past life of simplicity and dreaming vision that stands out so pure and real to me, and yet I had to move on...
In this I too felt an imprisoned state of being - like I would never come to really share this Paradise of mine with anyone!
This may have been what made me leave safe ground and move on... and there was a subtle calling I barely heard back then.

My safe and simple world, with magic ans God as love in my heart, was totally challenged when I first entered the world of this new age era.

The year 2012 had been ahead of us as THE year of change.
About that time a crisis of meaninglessness struck me and I came across a local Shaman of the New Era. 
Following her online/live and travels doing energy work for the Planet - I came into a field of people who experienced life so different from me. Seemingly the world of sci-fi/fairy-figures and tales.
I had never had any interest in this direction before, whatsoever.
But it was real to them and some became real to me.
Being present in that field opened my senses to another dimension of inner visioning that I still try to navigate in.

The profound/ real like opening for me came through a body treatment by a woman who later stood up publicly with her work - channeling different fields of the galaxies - her main connection being the Pleiadeans.
'They' came through in the session to leave no doubt they/this energy field exists.

After this first meeting, persistently I felt and saw my body being worked on by small white bright light aliens - mostly in my brain - mostly at night. Presumingly preparing my light body to unfold.
I've felt 'them' carrying me in a car on ice accident, when the car was turned upside down - without any injury to me.
I've come to trust these forces as very cabable of operating in our physical world. 
These openings led to experiencing the galactic/higher realm worlds. Through the field of different New Age Shamans but most touching in my own field. (I guess its part of my personality/ wounding/wisdom not to lean too much into other peoples ways - always prioritizing and finding my own)

In my own space these sensed conditons have come in meditation behind closed eyes and in connection with Nature and Mother Earth.
Outstanding were connections on private travels aligning me with the spirited entities of the Pacific Ocean, inner myths and work in the Himalayas and closer to my location I've been 'enlightened' by the strong spiritual atmospheare of the mountains of Montserrat in Spain.

During this period I did some channeling sessions for others - seemingly very effective - but I didn't feel the call/enthusiasm to make it a more professional like thing.
I never did that with anything.
In November 2016 I followed the impuls to attend to a Pleiadian Seminar in Minneapolis to get a new blueprint. (2 days only - that's a long flight from Denmark for a weekend, but not seen in the perspective of its influence)  Before the seminar I didn't know what a blueprint was - I still don't - but it changed my life.
'Erase old life - download new life'..
that's how it felt to me.
A total release, a lot of fun, mostly a void - and actually it turned out to be a kind of chock to live with the following unprepared emptiness.
During this Saturday night - awake - having a jetlag  - my funny, clowny side came back and I went bananas in that hotel room…
Love that when it happens now and then - through voice (must be my light-language) and energy through body unfoldment.
How to maybe use this in service? I still don't know- come what may - come if may...
I entered this new world leaning into other peoples energyfield - joining education, initiations, having my body and energysystem worked on in a setting...
I needed this widening of my view - 
But at some point it became too much - this electrified energy bussing in my body - whining in my ears - Pushed every time I joined a retreat held by these new age shamans/pleadiean ambasaders...
It went too fast for me, like I lost my own inner authority - and whats the point then!
At some point it felt fake for me to lean on other peoples energy field of galactic connection - and not right to go on this wave of being in the front evolving a new consiousness - being the wayshowers - Yeehaa!!
I stopped joining groups and for a while now - maybe 4-5 years I've been on my own - and often felt so - even if I see so many being on this kind of path now.

Yes it has been a loong lonesome ride...
taking small steps on this blindfolded path. Ups and downs in a roller coaster of feeling through total meaningfulness and total meaninglessness.
 'SLOW' is my new front. It's embodiment, integration. It can be difficult for a being like me who has a lot of quick energy in my system and loves to fly.
Vut I need to follow my different inner callings as I evolve my bit of the greater picture.
I'm still learning to focus on tiny small shifts. I take notice (also in my notepad - otherwise so easy to forget) on the magical things I experience in my life now - almost daily. 
Sometimes I forget and look for the result out there. Where do I go with this!!?? - How can I perform great deeds!!?? - still this is in my system from my eailier more fiercefull warrior state.
But my body loyally helps me - create a fracture, a sudden pain and slow me down.
And more and more I find myself in balance in a 'peacefull warrior' state. Seemingly what I'm heading for now.
And one day I do hope I will be able to feel my wings again.

I've come (back) to - that my basic trust platform as a human on planet Earth is LOVE, is LIGHT as I  sense and see it in my inner world.
Recently a transformation made me open to fully receive universal love in its abundant, from a never ending reservoir. 
A precious state of being - so simple - why so rarely coming into my experience!? I ask myself.
Is it my flying nature, a higher mind and clear-seeings coming strongly to me from realms of 'out of bodily sensations' - that has made it a necessary diciplin for me to connect energetically/sensuous to my heart. And maybe my oversized self image of being a 'servant' - apparently makes me think I'm not a 'recipient' or someone to be healed.
It is gradually coming to my deeper knowing, that 'receiving' in every aspect may be what my future being is about.
From here, that which shall, will radiate.
In my former world of idea - I've seen God as love.
Through recent channeling from the Pleadens (through an outer channel) I've learned that 'when energy flows freely through your body, this is what you - as humans - call love'
Consulting the love energies along with 'talking' to different sides of the subtle realms, assures me I'm on my right path.
It's kind of my safety ground to distinguish what track to follow and what not to follow. Along with sensation in my body and heart which is the finest instrument to reasure myself that I'm on a pure and high-frequency line.
When this is said - taught that we have different kinds of clairvoiance - mine is said to be 'just knowing' - and I know that :-) - those tools mentioned is only when I'm not in totally tune with myself. All through my life I've had this 'knowing' as my utmost guide - and it stil is, but through turmoilt it sometimes have difficulty in finding me.
Being in the chaos and insecurities of entering a total new way of visioning and understanding I'm learning these ways of finding my path of truth and trust in 'good intention' and God as love.
My physical heart space has become my place of spiritual focus, my space for tuning in and asking advice.
I ask my heart - What's up? - what about this issue?
And I get reliable answers. In word and cognition.

As examples - for several months been I've been working with codes from the Pleiadeans on resilience toward negative influences from the covid vaccine -
Together with more resent daily work with light codes and light language (outer medium) I'm now in daily contact with the pleiadean field, and I somehow believe my inner messages come from there (to know more specific I still have work to do)
I've never felt, juhuu I'm a pleadian starseed - but surely - I feel I am a seed from somewhere above/beyond. Before I've seen it as something to work on - not bring 'truly' incarnated in body.
 I've seen many teachings, many around me finding their life force through earth,  through the lower chahras of the body - I just never really found it coming through below. And I've kind of come to the conclusion, that my life force ia coming straight through me from above and my movements in body are carried by energy
(basicly I cannot train my body to strengh or train my voice to be powerful - it sometimes arise in due time out of nowhere - without exercise).
And this is just how I'm structured.
I think everyone may come from the stars originally - we just have our different ways and moves.
In that narrative I've felt connected to the galactic energy of Ashtar - as a subtle sensation and feel of knowing.
Reading a bit about what's told about the Ashtar Command - I (maybe wrongly) connect it to my urge to be a 'truth teller', my tendency to watch crime fiction and the big narratives - and a feeling being part of a global militarypolice unit of ethics/morals/raising/behavioral issues - on a cosmic level feeling as a world leader, imposing justice/order.
Imposing leadership is what I've always known NOT to be the right way - and obviously out of date.
At least in my landscape of reference - a majority is working on self realization and in a bigger time frame gurus are dead - governments are dying. 
And I'm holding an intuitive knowing that these times are for everyone to take their own leadership. 
Anyway this way of sensing a spiritual mission (I can't find any psychological reason for) has kept me in a state of DUTY. That my life was about fulfilling this mission. No holidays here...
It's like I've been going on, going on - driven by this question "HOW do I act out this inner craving!?"
Leading to an underlying heavy tiredness throughout life and later hopelessness, discouragement, the "why!" when my outer ongoing plans didn't turn out in a scale I felt obliged to. 
UNTIL it gradually has changed.
Many factors I guess.
One is I felt a setting free, when at some point, I just by chance overheard someone channelling a message from the upper worlds,  - something like a war had ended on a cosmic level,  and this so and so group of beings finally had fulfilled their task and were set free.
I just KNEW that was my crew and an instant, huge release were effectually.
Another may be the new blueprint I received in 2016. Since I've searched- "WHAT now"? - who am I without this easily aggressive mission? - and these questions have not so far been fully answered- BUT the constant craving has disappeared,  leaving a long time of no energy fir anything- part of me fekt I had given up on life ... but somehow it just changed, released, a letting go of what life should be like to be worth living. And with this magical gift of early retirement benefit - I have all my time and energy to choose following my steps as they reveal themselves in the present moment. I am somehow growing into the knowing that all I need to do is to be me.  And the whole wider worlds , including my daily life, is opening up itself to BE my fulfillment. And brand new values and guidelines are offered.
I finally feel at peace with all the steps on a daily basis- and the will to live - or die,  if that's my destiny, seems to be seriously settling in me.
I am (presumably) here to take part in the change of the notion of hierarchy and leadership.
Throughout this lifetime I've felt a need to rule, but along with this a need to transform the aggression of my inner warrior of love and light for the world - into LOVE and LIGHT itself.
Today I feel this sense of heart and truth of light becoming more and more embodied in me - and hence the inner need to rule and control 'the people' - as it were in my mythical story - is vanishing.
And thanks to God for this change.
Let it be a symbol for what's happening on the bigger scale.
I do feel that what's happening inside of me to a big extent is mirrored in others, with whom I share my journey. This is my grounds to believe it happening in the undercurrents of human consciousness.
Carrying this feel of heavy duty destiny I'm blessed to be given a kind of opposite personality or is it a higher aspect - the one that carry humour at hearts.
My time as poetic street clown still seems to my peek period, concerning visibility on my soul's expression.
Here I truly felt aligned with the magical child and my higher being through heart performance, interaction, improvisation, the energy flowing through.
Maybe this was given to me to evolve the heart chakra and my human heart - letting that take the lead (in relation to the more cold and clear qualities of the 'truth teller' and the pineal chakra)
In the attempt to reconcile the two sides I could call myself 
Clown in Command of Subtle Scenarios for a New World Order 😉
These two aspects have had severe influence on how I have perceived myself throughout life as a being of spirit in the world.
There are much more aspects to my personal myths.
Some change over time, even day by day - some are more persistent.
I have been very engaged in evolving these myths on different levels.
As well as supporting others in finding their guiding myths."The Stories We Live By" comes to my mind. This sentence vibrates with my understanding. It is the title of a scientific book about personal myths by Dan P. McAdams. 
Receiving conscious touch sessions by my 'Earth Goddess', who has been following and preciously witnessing me for a decade in my inner visioning -  hidden narratives are being unfolded and moved.

Within the body, within my energy system - many different pictures exis
t side by side. I've seen all sorts of energies represented by a vast number of pictures from our shared library of stories and myth.
I have seen myself as different ETs - white and blue aliens, as a peaceful, loving reptilian...
as species and qualities of the animal kingdom, dragons, cartooned figures.
I sense a galactic, androgynous queer/two spirited aspect, that feels more as an identifying core to my being.
Seeing - in me, stored in the body - some of the manyfold stories, myths and energies we find in writings / in movies - I may understand a bit about where they come from - is it our common origin - the primeval sea - the stars!?
- where we may each have our own unique move / where we may be alike.
To me it seems as stories on different levels supporting my process of inner unfoldment.
In these bodysessions with the assistant of this skilled and intuitive body facilitator - they play a crusial part in releasing, moving, rising - and behind/beyond this - in one form/picture or another - the Light every time has ended up filling my being in a no word experience.
Maybe they truly ARE needed on the journey to oneness - to the levels of a higher consciousness where our dramas and duality seems to be dissolved.
The wording can take me away from myself or be just the vehicle needed to reach the core.

In this and other ways I now and then sense and see energies of different qualities - in and around me - that do not seem to be part of my 'me myths'.
- and often I don't receive names or find boxes for these subtle sensations.
Just recently I had a embodied meeting with the Galactic Council. Having heard others name it as such, my sceptic always shows its face. But that experience made me trust that that is a field I can turn to (or they to me) in question of overview matters.

In matters of the human heart I sense there is a field of ascended masters - White Brother/Sisterhood (including Jesus Christ) I can turn to, that are capable of providing understanding, healing energy / love to my process and maybe to others through my system.
And there are more - like 'the Holy Ghost' I've had been presented to by name - but as I say - so far it's rare for me to name the nuances in the subtle field.
Instead maybe I can say that higher truth, clear crystal pureness, magic and love has kind of always been a central site to who I experience I AM.
How to let the Divine work its ways through me is an ongoing question of lived and embodied research.
Back then I channeled love/energy/high frequency healing - through my heart, hands - through energy of vision - through body and voice. 
- in forms of sacred clowning, bodily storytelling, sounding and singing, bodyflow, healing touch... 

I channeled wisdom through word - I knew it, but held much back.
My ID as a TruthTeller has broght me much challenge.
But why did I withhold myself so much (and still do a bit)?
Why haven't I been set free to use it - make it become a steady outer as well as inner work!!
Some explanations for myself I have found useful is such as:
∼ Time weren't ready - my ideas, world view, artistic apirations  ahead of time.
(Time being now - and I can find myself lag behind - well knowing there is no such)
∼ I always knew I carried a capability to manipulate energy and matter. But there was a site to me that wanted to pose and push a healing, revolting liberation onto to people and the world.
This power were forcefull, but perceivingly not allowed to use in my higher picture.
It was claimed that if you ask a persons permission you are allowed on a higher scale! - still I felt "I" am not allowed.
Nevertheless I felt my system was operating 'under ground' and maybe past lives experiences (stories of witches, sorcerers...) influenced my not falling to peace with the force I held.
Later, getting in more conscious touch with the galactic realms, I see that truly part of me/us is working on a level we often are not aware of on a daily conscious level, that has its influence on a much wider scale.
Back then trying to turn it into a factual practice in earthly life probably was a twisted way to perceive it.. and part of the reason why I just couldn't make it.
∼ Recently I again found a new perspective on why I wasn't set free to use all these magic tools I know
(I hear it now as a bit obsessive voice in me - this needing to utilise. It seemingly is fading with letting go of my past stories and tuning into the present - where all IS and has its natural ways)
Anyhow I'l share a recent process that has had a cocoon/butterfly effect on me.
- a kind of first time radically letting go of heavy burden - opening to letting in the fine vibrating of divine love - encompasing my human being and vast sence of wholeness.

If I see my holding on to 'save/change' the world and people around me partly as reaction to a trauma - I see a new perspective coming up (but also a trauma that has let me to do much good I would dare say)
With a notion of my own inner 'evil' my inner craving has been partly lead by an eagerness to pay for seemingly inner evil aspects and maybe earlier deeds.
Here I feel to share my experience of the Reptillian archetype to be 'an aspect of me' (wording from my trusted inside channel)
Some seeing the Reptilian (myth/entity) as a powerful, dark force of the Universe, acting in the universe or through evil people - spreading fear, nourishing itself on fear and guilt (eating energy - as I now see it) I wish to clarify my experience.
Years ago (again in body treatment by my trusted 'spirit shaman') I first met this monster in my energy field - seemingly part of me - my family.
It wasn't scary, it didn't feel any evil to it, it just 'was'. (though  some reflection came up afterwards - change of story like :-)
Earlier on that I'd met a reptile as a deep, deep loving Eye... 
A dear and powerful side that brought a feeling of physical warmth and an ancient embodied knowing.
Later I've met in several versions, always deeply loving.
But this last time, in a conscious touch session, I found there was a substance in me - sensed to be in the reptillian category - that I at first named 'evil' . It showed in my inner picture as a big greenish mucus (snotklat) that where kept alive by sucking energy from all around. My immediate reaction were to make it stop - it is NOT supposed to be here!!!
How to stop it!? - Simply stop providing energy!
So it happened - the thing dried up and 'woopty' - disappeared!
(I thought) - but no 'woopti' - changed into a 'Fairy of subtle lightness and light' I never before thought myself worthy of.
The following days - and still - a lovesource softly were flowing to and through my body and my field. 
Like it's here to stay. Like when I saw that this mecanism in me were not intentively evil, but didn't know how to survive otherwise - I could let go of guilt - let go of this past feeling and nescesity to get energy supplied from an outer source.
(a feeling that also has contributed to my tendency to isolated living - only engaging in people and horisontal living - when on the top and self suficient.)
I see that this quality can and may be used with evil intention on earth and the Universe. I will leave those stories to others to tell, if needed.
My emphasis is here also to point to the good reptilian side of the archetype (as some point out we even have an area of the brain named reptilian).
In me I find it connected to the Dragon archetype - where stories expose it as good and bad. These ancient, powerful, good and warm energies I see much needed in challenging times as now.
Through my body – in my life I've met influential LIGHT in many nuances.
Using these channels in service of other people I'm still waiting to see if this will be part of my path.
For the time being - my dark sides, anxiety, trauma show themselves to be met and transformed - and I see these power of light more and more needed on this earth.
Let my path open my heart to go with it...

Whether it turn out to be through encounters with humans or  channeling in its many ways - I KNOW it will just happen- I will know exactly how to deal with it.
Like I've experienced other fields unfolding in my life - with such accuracy I could never have learned from studying other peoples work and epiphanies.
Pure Presence seems to be more and more my way..
These mentioned connections/Connection to All - this clarifying proces of writing my spiritual story and focusing on fragments of my myths is helping me into presence.
This place I've been longing for to live from... 
Mindstuff comes and gets its needed attention to allow a Higher presence.

In this moment I vision my magic coming back to me. My secret combination, deep in the heart, working through this cooperation. Creating unknown possibility and hope for the Planet to rise.

And I see - it is already here! - I just have to see it.
It may appear in the tiniest spot or in endless Space.
I really need to let go of how I imagine it to look like.
Just purify my heart, be real, be me..
Just be, listen, follow...
Just presence.

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