2023
I really tried to create a dream
But I couldn't
I saw that my dreams were based
On past longings
On future tellings
I couldn't find my truth here
Wrong grounds!
I now see I have chosen the wild path
And wilderness is not to be tamed
But to Be and to Unfold
In its own pase
In its own inherent mystery.
There is no such thing as a form
Nor a formular
On where or how to get there.
My loneliness has driven me
To adjust my dreaming into a possible dreaming of someone else
But it won't work
It keeps telling me
Is this what you really want
And all I can say is 'no'
This is not what I really want or ever wanted.
What I really want I will not know until I get there,
Or get here
Where I finally can rest into the surrender
To things as they are
Or as I experience them to be.
And actually
I do experience 'things'
In the thing called life
That will not be captured
Will not be defined in a story
Nor any dream
That is my guiding chaos
My guiding light of truth
That will never be anyones elses.
My vehicle will keep me travelling.
I still do hope I meet up with You
With Someone
In moments
Across ages.
I hope we can be both together
And apart
On whichever way we need to follow
But I can't end it here
Like this is my goal in a stream of no end.
The resting, the dancing, the accepting, the leaving and letting go - is.
To find Me here
Maybe to find You here
In an ever-changing, deepening, expanding reality
That leeds us in what we're destined.
What that is
I know only in the surrendering.